Chelsea Players Receive Their Holiday Gifts!!!
The Holiday Season is upon us, and with it, it brings mulled wine, hot apple cider, fires with a glass of whiskey, time with family and friends, time off from work, and presents!!! The saying goes, it is better to give than to receive, so with that in mind, let’s give the Chelsea family some gifts!!!
Cole Palmer- There are many gifts that Cole could get, like a new trophy case, a journal to keep up with all the people he trolls, and maybe even a new trim, but most of all, Cole needs a new blanket because for some reason he is always saying he is cold! Get this man a blanket and let him sit by the fire with his family and friends and enjoy his Holiday season!
Robert Sanchez- While most people might think it appropriate to gift Sanchez a nice warm seat on the bench, I am taking an alternative approach and will gift him a new set of legs, feet, and all! Sanchez needs some help playing out from the back, and a new set of legs should help him accomplish this and finally live up to his “potential”.
Marc Cucurella- While hair products might be the most logical thing to get Cucurella, he deserves more! Cucurella deserves to have his EAFC shooting upgraded! This man has scored two goals this season, and these bastards at EA want to give him a 60 for shooting! Justice needs to be served, and Cucurella needs his shooting raised to at least 69! Do the right thing for once EA, and give Cucurella his shooting boost!
Enzo Maresca- Yes, Maresca is bald. Logically, giving him a gift certificate to one of the hundred hair transplant places in Turkey makes sense, but Maresca embraces his baldness, and I respect that. However, it does look like his head gets cold during the matches, and he deserves a Chelsea Beenie straight from the Chelsea gift shop!!!
Josh Acheampong- Josh deserves one of those gifts that keeps on giving week in and week out. That’s why Josh will be receiving the starting RCB position for the rest of the season! No more Disasi, just Josh! Happy Holidays, Josh! You are now the starting RCB for Chelsea FC!!!
Jadon Sancho- Sancho deserves a unique gift, a snow globe that constantly leaks! This is to remind him of where he came from, Manchester United. This snow globe will be a constant reminder of their leaky roof and will help Sancho remain humble!
Mykhailo Mudryk- Upon finding out that Mudryk is into steroids now, he deserves to have someone who won’t let him get caught. Mudryk will receive a private plane, and on that plane will be Greg Anderson, Barry Bonds's steroid dealer! Bonds never got caught! Greg Anderson can definitely help Mudryk!
Todd Boehly and Eghbali- While it is the season for gift-giving, it is also the season for apologies. I would like to take this time and apologize to the owners of the club for SOME but not ALL the things I have said this last year about y’all. I still don’t fully trust you two a single bit, BUT you do have this club going in the right direction! So thank you for that, but I still think y’all are money-grubbing bastards, but I say that with the most love one can say!
That concludes this year’s gift-giving ceremony at the Red, White, and Blues podcast! To all the Chelsea fans, may you have a Happy Holiday and New Year!