Part 1 End of the Season Review: Rating Chelsea's Season
*Dan’s Note- This is Part 1 of the End of the Season wrap up! I hope you enjoy like, subscribe, share or whatever bullshit I am supposed to say! Up the Blues!!!- D
Summing up the Chelsea season is not an easy task. This season was nothing short of a rollercoaster. Maresca launched the squad out of the station and had them do a loop-de-loop flying up the table to second place. Then everything came to a crashing halt like in Final Destination 3, when the roller coaster comes off the track due to some crazy events. The lads and Maresca managed to fight and claw their way back from a disappointing second half of the season by winning five of their last six matches and finishing the season in 4th place!
Between all the highs and lows who stood above the rest as the creme de la creme? How should Maresca’s first season in charge be viewed? And where does Chelsea go from here??? Let’s take a ride on the BluCo Express and see where it goes!
RATING CHELSEA’S OVERALL SEASON
How does a season with so many ups and downs get rated? At times Chelsea was an A+ squad, and at times they were an easy D+. No season will ever be perfect, but when Chelsea was great they were fantastic, however, when they were bad, they were shit! This inconsistency was the most frustrating part of the season for fans because they knew how good this team could be on their best day!
Also, how do you judge success when goals are accomplished? Chelsea won more trophies than Arsenal (and the same amount as the greatest thing since sliced bread, Mikel Arteta) this season and finished top four, so, one could say, Chelsea had a more successful season. Arsenal fans might disagree but Chelsea fans know they would be wrong!
The success of the season hung on the two previously mentioned results: finishing top four and winning the Conference League. Failure to do either one of these and the season would have been deemed a failure!
Chelsea accomplished both goals and the season was without a doubt a success! From an overall perspective, the season was successful and Chelsea accomplished their goals. The season was like a two part LSD trip one where Chelsea gave us that good Joe Rogan LSD and the LSD came from a left over batch the Government had from their MK Ultra Project.
The Good Trip:
1. August 25th to December 22nd- Take out the Manchester City match to start the season and Chelsea only lost 2 Premier League Fixtures in this span (one of which, was to the eventual champs, Liverpool). This run by Chelsea saw them chewing teams up and spitting them out. They were freaking Mrs Pacman out there eating the Ghost Gang!
2. The Emergence of the Best LB in the World- Cucurella had one hell of a year! Maybe it’s the way Maresca played him, maybe it’s his luscious locks of flowing brown hair that sit perfectly upon his shoulders and flows in the wind like a balloon being carried away… Whatever it was may he continue to bless us with his Shithousery and goals!!!
3. The End of the Season- The team might have faltered during the middle of the season, but damn it they rallied when it mattered most. Reece James kicked some players in the balls and told them to get their shit together and they listened! Maresca deserves credit for this as well but mostly Reece. He stepped up and showed that he could be the mother FUCKING man at Chelsea!
4. European Treble Winners- Chelsea can now claim to be the only European treble winners after their dominant run through the hardest competition in Europe the Conference League! (This is an attempt at PR spinning just like BluCo likes to do)! Seeing the players lift the illustrious and highly sought-after Conference League Trophy brought tears to the eyes of Roman Abramovich!
The MK Ultra Trip:
1. Robert Sanchez- Every time this man touched the ball Chelsea fans Assholes clinched tighter than a 300 pound woman trying to squeeze into an extra small tube top. Sanchez is like a dirty Sanchez that no one wanted but BlueCo insists on giving every Chelsea fan one at least once during every match. This man needs to exit the club because he keeping Maresca from playing Maresca ball.
2. The Christmas Matches- What a depressing time that was to be a Chelsea fan. Losing back-to-back matches to Fulham and Ip” the redheaded stepchild of Ed Sheeran”swich. Then what followed made Chelsea fans spiral into a continual drunken state. Between December 22nd and February 25th Chelsea won 3 Premier League matches and got knocked out of the FA Cup by BluCo’s favorite club Brighton. This was worse than the winter blues this was the winter shits!
3. April 6th and 13th the Days Fans Thought Chelsea’s Season Died- The matches against Brentford and Ipswich were terrible matches for many reasons but mainly because Chelsea drew both. This was a brutal two matches that Chelsea needed to win (at the time) but failed to do so in both instances.
The overall LSD trip this season was far more positive than it was negative, but those negative parts were a hell of a ride (Aaron Rogers knows ;)). Chelsea deserves a grade for their season and that grade is “One Giant Ass Hangover”.
Hangovers can be a good thing, look at the movie. A groundbreaking Cinema masterpiece, with an Academy Award-worthy performance by Dr. Ken Jeong! The Cinema masterpiece was much like Chelsea’s Season full of ups and downs but in the end, it's a happy ending and Chelsea ended up with another face tattoo (interpret this as you will)!!!
Hangovers can also be the spawn of Satan's balls. There were times during the season that Satan took his balls and tea-bagged the whole Chelsea fan base but Damn it WE SURVIVED and shoved Satan's balls right up his asshole with the Conference League Trophy!
This season was a roller coaster but one fans will remember for the rest of their lives!!! The future is bright and maybe BluCo will start giving a shit once they learn the club gets more money for winning competitions!